It’s Mental Health Awareness Week. We all have mental health. Sometimes positive, sometimes negative, and some more negative than others. We’re all different and that’s valid. In this blog, I talk a bit about my own experiences with mental health and how you can help yourself and others. Having poor mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. Let's break the silence, demonstrate empathy, and practice self-compassion. Let‘s break down the stigma, together.
Remember: your story matters.
As we celebrate mental health awareness week, I invite you to embark on a journey that sheds light on the profound impact of Mental Health Awareness Week in our communities. As someone who has faced the daunting shadows of anxiety and depression, I understand the importance of fostering understanding and compassion. Join me as we explore how this dedicated week empowers individuals, ignites hope, and paves the way towards healing and growth.
Embracing Vulnerability
Anxiety and depression, as many of us know firsthand, can cast a long, dark shadow over our lives. The experience will be different for everyone. The manifestation of poor mental health can often be insidious, slowly chipping away, making us more introverted and withdrawn. Then, one day, you find yourself hiding under the duvet saying, “wake me up when it’s over.” I can testify to this. There were many contributing factors, including the unrealised consequences of a lack of socialisation during COVID, workplace stress and burnout, and other undesirable factors that maybe we‘ll revisit another day.
I thought, possibly naively, that I would never be ”that person” who would experience poor mental health. I probably should have sought help before I did and before hitting the brick wall. There was definitely an element of “you’re not that person” and “you won’t be taken seriously if you speak out” that stopped me seeking help earlier. In my role as a school leader, I also felt the need to keep it together and that the running of a school relied on me. I was nervous about showing any kind of vulnerability and about asking for help. This Mental Health Awareness Week, I encourage you to embrace your vulnerability and acknowledge that there’s no shame in admitting that you may be struggling and need support. In seeking professional support, I’ve become more comfortable in sharing my own experiences - hence this blog. Opening up about our experiences not only helps us heal but also empowers others to do the same. Together, we create a safe space where authenticity is celebrated, reminding everyone that they are not alone.
If you, or someone you know, has questions or concerns about mental health, I implore you/them to speak to a professional. See some signposting at the end of this blog.
Building Supportive Communities
When we experience poor mental health, the strength of community support cannot be underestimated. Whether it’s professional support, such as one-to-one counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy, compassion-focused therapy, or informal support such as a mental health first aider, an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on, being a supportive family member, friend or colleague can make a massive difference to someone’s ability to cope and get through their challenges. As well as pastoral support in schools, we need to ensure we have specialist wellbeing professionals who can support students, staff and their school communities. My school has a dedicated wellbeing team, a school counsellor, and many of our senior leaders are trained mental health first aiders. Having members of staff dedicated to wellbeing is fundamental to improving the lives and outcomes of our communities. Being a listening ear and asking the right (and sometimes difficult) questions could literally be the difference between life and death.
Mental Health Awareness Week brings students, teachers, and staff together, fostering a sense of unity and understanding. It encourages conversations that build bridges of empathy and compassion, eradicating the stigma associated with mental health. Together, we can build communities that uplift, support, and guide it’s members to a path of positive wellbeing.
Bouncebackability
If you’ve read one of my earlier blogs (and if not, why not?) you’ll know I’m not a fan of the term ‘resilience’. It’s a harmful term. The term is bandied about, without due care and attention, and adds a temporary sticking plaster over issues that don’t go away by
”learning to be resilient”. Asking someone to be resilient or commenting that someone lacks resilience implies that the individual shouldn’t feel despondent, disappointed or disheartened by a situation. You put the onus on the individual for their circumstances. That, somehow, they should just pick themselves back up again. That they should just get over it and move on. I can be categoric in telling you that it’s not that easy. There’s only so much one person can deal with and the limits are also different for everyone. And anyway, why should a person pick themselves up so easily? For the convenience and comfort of others? I believe the term ‘resilience’ ignores that people should be allowed to feel pain, anxiety, upset, disappointment, and a myriad of other feelings, before eventually moving past these.
Although not an official term, I feel that ‘bouncebackability’ does allow for a leniency that ‘resilience’ does not. Bounceabackability is about supporting our communities to navigate difficult life situations but, more importantly, letting them know that it’s acceptable to express their feelings and know that they’re valid.
Practicing Self-compassion
When was the last time you were kind to yourself? When did you last cut yourself some slack? Sometimes no one else will, so it’s important that you do. Think about what you can control, versus what you can’t control. Have you ever thought about not worrying about what you can’t control? Easier said than done. It takes practice but, believe me, it helps when you get there. The image below might give you an idea of things you can and can’t control. It’s not to say you shouldn’t care at all about the ‘things I can’t control’, but there can be little point in spending much time thinking about them.
How can you practice self-compassion? I did 12 weeks of compassion-focussed therapy. I was sceptical about it, and terrified about the fact that it was a group therapy. Has it worked for me? Yes. Did it work for everyone? We are all in a different place on our journeys, so no, I don’t think it did. What I did learn was how to practice self-compassion and how to worry less about what I can’t control. Here’s some ideas of how you can practice self-compassion:
Develop self-awareness: be aware of your thoughts and feelings. Recognise your ‘critical self’ - the voice in one of your ears that picks up on every wrong step you take
Treat yourself with guidance: you wouldn’t be hard on a friend who was upset or having a bad time, so why do it to yourself? Give yourself the advice you would give to a friend. Engage in hobbies or activities you enjoy
Engage in mindfulness: You rolled your eyes, didn’t you? I saw you. So did I, once upon a time, but I am more onboard with mindfulness now, and practice makes perfect. Imagining your favourite place, and that the place delights in you being there can make a huge difference in taking you down from the rafters. Acknowledge your self-critical thoughts and redirect your thoughts into the present moment
Cultivate self-acceptance: embrace yourself fully, flaws and all. Your imperfections make you human
Challenge negative self-talk: when you notice self-critical thoughts, ask yourself if they’re based on facts. Replace these with more compassionate and realistic statements
Set realistic goals and expectations: avoid setting yourself goals that are unrealistic and unattainable
Practice self-forgiveness: accept that making mistakes are a natural part of life. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would show to others
Self-compassion takes practice and perseverance. You won’t see changes overnight. Stick with it, knowing there will be good days and bad days, but that the overall trajectory is UP! A little diagrammatic example for you below.
Support
If you or someone you know needs support with their mental health, her are some resources to point you in the right direction. If the person is in immediate crisis and may be a danger to themselves, you should phone emergency services. Where can you go for help
Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/
The Mix: https://www.themix.org.uk/
Young Minds: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/
LGBT Switchboard: https://switchboard.lgbt/
Muslim Youth Helpline: https://myh.org.uk/
Papyrus: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
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